We Need to Learn to Do More Than Talk

Communication is something we all have trouble with, but it is what we desperately need today.

We tend to believe communication is simply talking, and that we do a good job of it. The louder we talk, the better we do at communicating. So, we yell at one another.

The yelling has become normal, but it is not communication, and it is not healthy.
True communication is two-way. It includes talking, but it also includes listening.
That is the lost part of communication, and it is the key part.

The definition of listening is “to give attention with the ear, attend closely for the purpose of hearing, to pay attention.”

Listening requires shutting your mouth and allowing someone else—someone you might disagree with—to speak.

Most times, when we are talking with someone we disagree with, while they are talking, we are already formulating our response. And often, we don’t let the other person finish before we speak over them.

It is a sign of disrespect, but we believe we are right, they are wrong, and so we talk and talk and talk, but we never truly communicate. Change might be made, but it will most likely never be lasting change.

We need to learn to slow down and listen to the person we are talking with. As we do so, we need to get a little tougher skin because to truly listen to someone means you might hear things you don’t like, you don’t agree with, and you might even find offensive. However, true communication is not always safe and not always comfortable.

I remember, as a young pastor working in a college ministry, meeting a university professor who was a well-known atheist on campus. He enjoyed attacking Christians in his classes, and when he found out I was a young pastor, he put me in his sights. As a result, for the next three years, he and I shared an ongoing debate.

I could have gotten angry with his comments and challenges to my faith, but instead, I listened. I responded, and he listened.

The atheist, who was feared by so many, became a friend, and I was given an open door to share with him my beliefs. He shared his, and I listened. Did I agree with him? No, but because I listened, he allowed me to share.

We respected one another and learned from one another. We communicated with one another and grew, not just as friends but as human beings.
Imagine what might happen if you truly communicate with that person you disagree with? Imagine what might happen if they communicate with you? To allow that person you think is an idiot (they think the same of you) to share their views, and you listen, and they listen to you.

If you know what you believe and why, you shouldn’t have anything to fear. The Apostle Peter said to “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15).” Everyone means even those you disagree with, and you are to do so with gentleness and respect.

I was never afraid to communicate with the professor who was much smarter, with multiple Ph.D.s, than me, because I was confident in what I believed. There were lots of times I had to say, “I don’t have an answer, but give me a few days.”

By truly communicating with the professor, who was so different in his beliefs, I strengthened my own beliefs.

The key was we both respected one another and allowed one another to talk, and the other truly listened.

Looking at our world today, we need to learn again how to communicate—with co-workers, with those we love, with those we don’t love, with those we agree with, those we disagree with, and even those we find offensive.

Communication will help us learn to respect one another and help open doors for long-lasting change.